Dylan's birth story and first week of life

 I have been married for 15 months now, and every day I spend with Taylor, the more I love him. This is SO cheesy, but I feel like that Brad Paisley song is the story of my life. The one that goes, "And I thought I loved you then." I thought I loved him when we got married. And I loved him more as we started sharing our lives. And now as I watch Taylor with Dylan, and with me as I recover from my c-section, it just keeps growing. My heart has been so full all week and I figured I better blog for Dylan's 1 week birthday. Holy cow it's been a week already!! 

So here we go with the birth story. Sorry for the long post... but there's lots of pictures at the end, I promise!!

Since I'd been in the hospital, I had regular contractions every day. Nurses were constantly asking me if I was in pain and saying it looked like I was in labor, but I wasn't feeling any pain. Last Sunday around 7 PM though, they started getting a little uncomfortable. I took a bath and relaxed and thought it was nothing to worry about. The nurse told me if I decided I needed pain meds, then they would check to see if I was dilating. I made it til about 2 AM. And then I couldn't take it anymore. So she brought me pain medication and checked me, and I was dilated to a 1+. She said they don't get too excited about that yet, and told me to try and sleep and to let her know if it kept getting worse. 

So, I did get pretty sleepy and the Percocet did help, but not totally. This time, I made it until about 6:30 AM, and the contractions were definitely getting stronger now. I got up to use the bathroom, and was shocked when my water broke. And I mean, it broke. Just like the movies. It was everywhere and just kept coming! It was such a weird feeling. I thought all along that I wouldn't really experience labor... that the doctors would just tell me when my baby needed to come out and I'd go have my c section and never deal with contractions and the like. But oh my. After my water broke my contractions got 10x worse and I was ready for him to be out of me. I didn't really have any time to be worried. They had a c section scheduled ahead of me, but they bumped it back and took me right in. But when I say right in, it really was at least 20-30 minutes later. I was dying by the time the anesthesiologist gave me the spinal block, but ohhh pure bliss afterwards. Couldn't feel ANYTHING from my chest down. Taylor got to come watch the whole thing, and he was quite fascinated. 

Here was his get up.. 

This picture kills me. He looks just like Mario. 

I felt pressure leave me when they took Dylan out, and Taylor sounded so excited when he told me, "He's out Jill! He's out!" He was immediately handed off to the NICU team to get him to start breathing and cleaned up. Taylor was able to go watch all that too, and came back to tell me that all was well. I didn't even see my baby at all. And after that, it is such a fog. I was so out of it, I vaguely remember throwing up at some point right after surgery, and my sister holding the bag for me. A few hours later, they wheeled my bed up to the NICU and I got to see Dylan for the first time. Judson was there to document and I'm glad he did, because I have very little recollection of it. I remember being sad that my tiny 3 pound baby had what looked like a huge bag of intestines suspended over his body, and he was laying there so still. Here was my reaction to the first sight of Dylan..

I already loved him so much, and I wasn't crying over the intestines. I was crying because I was so happy to finally see him. I won't post the pictures of his intestines because the doctor warned me that a lot of people aren't prepared for that and to be careful about it. Plus, it is not the prettiest sight. But to me, it's wonderful to see the before and after. I honestly just can't believe it all fit back in him and am SO grateful for modern medicine. 

Over the next few days, I recovered from my c-section (I was pretty dang sore, I won't lie, but pain meds are a beautiful thing.) and visited Dylan upstairs 3-4 times a day. Our surgeon only had to do one official surgery. Most of the intestines went back in by themselves because of gravity. Then the surgeon would twist the bag and make a little more go back in, slowly, so that his stomach would stretch out to fit the new additions. On Wednesday afternoon, they did his official surgery to close him up and it went very well. His little tummy looked reallly stretched and red, but it's gone down now and he's been so stable that they moved him from the more critical side of the NICU to the less critical side. So yay for that!! 

 On Thursday, July 24th, I was released from the hospital and went home. It was this day that things got really hard. I'd done very well at the hospital and loved going to see Dylan whenever my little heart desired, but now all the sudden he was 15 minutes away and going to see him was such a chore because I was in a lot of pain, and just walking out to the car seemed overwhelming. Plus I was sore from pumping, and I had to plan every outing around that schedule of pumping every 2-3 hours. And I was sad, because breastfeeding is such a good bonding moment and I couldn't do it since Dylan is being fed through an IV until his intestines start to work. So I would pump, but I was sore, and I was already in pain, and I wanted to be with Dylan but I couldn't be at the hospital all day because I needed to recover myself, and yeah. It was rough there for a day or two.

But then this happened... 

I got to hold him for the very first time on Friday. I got to the NICU and found that he was off his ventilator!! Still hooked up to so many cords and lines and IV's, but once he was off the ventilator I could hold him. As soon as the nurse started picking him up to put him in my arms, I started bawling. I was so overwhelmed before, but that changed everything having him in my arms. I bawled through the first 5 minutes of holding him actually. He looked so sweet and so peaceful having that huge tube out of his mouth. I am absolutely in love with this strong, sweet little baby. 

Sometimes the nurses will swab his mouth with some of my milk. He likes it :) He licks his lips and calms right down. 

This is my favorite picture of him so far. He just looks so content!

Things are much better now. We are just waiting for Dylan's intestines to start working (it can take up to a month sometimes) and he has to learn to eat and poop before he can leave the hospital. They told me to plan on him being there until my due date probably, which is August 30th. But I am getting less sore every day, and visits to Dylan are much easier now. 

We have been so overwhelmed by love and support from everyone. Our ward, friends, family, my dental offices, nurses, doctors... it has been so humbling. My mom and  Taylor's mom and grandparents came right down to Provo from Pocatello when they heard I was in labor, and Jan and Judson were the first to the hospital to be with me before I went in to surgery (besides Taylor of course- who slept at the hospital every night with me). As I type this, there are so many people I want to thank and then I get scared I will leave somebody out. But really, we are so grateful to everyone for their service and charity towards us. 

OH and here is my new do! I had a hair appointment scheduled for a month and a half and it was supposed to happen before Dylan came, but it didn't. And I was not about to miss it... it's been 10 MONTHS since I cut my hair. That is so so bad. I love it though! I haven't had my hair this short since 3rd grade! 

Alright. The end.

becoming a momma

Today, I really thought I was going to become a momma.

It's been a huge week of ups and downs. 

One minute baby is lookin good, the next minute they've told everyone I'm having a c-section.

Ever since Tuesday when I first was admitted to the hospital, I've had these monitors on my belly 24/7 measuring baby's heartbeat and my contractions. It's called "the tracing." And once a day, they've been taking me down to the maternal fetal medicine clinic in the hospital where they take ultrasounds, do biophysical profiles, and where my high risk doctors work (found out they are actually called perinatologists, not neonatologists.. those are the doctors for AFTER the baby is born). 

I would get biophysical profiles done downstairs daily, which is where they pull the baby up on an ultrasound monitor and watch for 2 things... movement in his legs and arms/hands, and fetal breathing, where his chest rises and falls for at least 30 seconds. If they see these things, his maximum score on the test is 8/8. If they don't see all of these things, they score the test based on what they're seeing. On Tuesday and Wednesday, my baby scored a 6/8, but only after they poked and prodded him and used the buzzer noise to wake him up. 

Yesterday, they did another biophysical profile and he only scored a 2. He barely moved at all. I would get anxiety before going down to have these tests done, because it is so hard to watch a baby on the monitor that looks so lifeless! My perinatologist came in and told me she was very concerned about him and a baby that scores a 2 or 4 needs to be delivered. They said a vaginal birth would be too distressing for him at this point, and told me to get ready for a c-section. She called the surgeon and my doctor to let them know it was happening, that night! Then she asked the nurse if she would repeat the test one more time just to be sure. So, she redid the test. This time, he decided to fight. They buzzed him and tipped me on my left side, and he scored a full 8/8! So the doctor came BACK in and said okay, let's wait one more day. We'll repeat this tomorrow and see how he does. But all the signs are pointing that it's going to be soon.

So yesterday was hard. I was worried all evening and trying to wrap my head around the fact that today I'd probably have a baby. One that I hoped would be alive and fighting. The doctors told me my little guy's bowel and stomach are both pretty swollen and there is still a higher risk of stillbirth in gastroschisis babies. So we did a lot of praying and geared up for today. I had my test at about 10:45 this morning, and what would you know...

he nailed it! Passed within the first 5 minutes. He was wiggling and kicking as soon as they pulled him up on the screen, and did 30 seconds of the fetal breathing movement right off the bat. (That's usually what he missed points for). I was THRILLED.

My doctor came in and told me she was pleased. She does not feel comfortable sending me home anymore since there have been so many scares, so I'm on hospital bed rest til this baby arrives. She said personally she is hoping for another week or two until he comes, but if he does somehow make it longer, than the max time he'll go is 37 weeks before they deliver him. Tomorrow I will be 34 weeks and I am feeling great about that! I am scheduled for a full ultrasound on Monday so we'll see how he's doing then, but for now I can relax a little and don't have to be on the monitors quite as much. I am so relieved/happy. I want him to have the best chance for a smooth delivery/surgery and the later the better. 

But I am also SO excited to see him for the first time. We've got our names narrowed down to 2.. either Timothy who would go by Timmy or Tim, or Dylan. We have a frontrunner but we're waiting to see him first probably, so it's a secret between the two til then :)

I ordered a dresser, my nails are painted, and I've eaten three non hospital meals now. I am feeling fantastic :) 

Thank you all for so much love and prayers and support. It means the world to us! 

Here is what my hospital room is decorated with.. cute little cards from my nieces. 

Here is my card from Lyla- she is 3. Contrary to what it appears, this is NOT a picture of a ladybug. This is my baby at the park. Hahahaha.

And this is the card from Addie, who just turned 6. She is so wise for her years... "Dear Jill, baby's births are so hard. Love Addie" ....mmm adorable. I especially like the arm coming out of my baby's head. 

a wild week

It has been the wildest of weeks for me.

I've been wanting to blog so I can remember what's going on, but literally haven't had any time. Right now I address you from my hospital room at Utah Valley… I'm back for the 4th time this week! And I have all the time in the world all the sudden, so here we go.

It all started last Tuesday, 1 week ago today. Baby had been moving great up until Monday night, but then I stopped feeling him kick. Nothing during that evening or the next morning, so I called my doctor. They had me drink orange juice and lay on my left side and count kicks, but he still didn't really respond. So they sent me to labor and delivery to be monitored. I was a bit of a mess. I was there for about 4 hours and in the middle of it, baby started kicking and moving and everything was ok, so I got to go home. Breathed a sigh of relief.

2 days later, I went to my doctor for my weekly non stress test. In most pregnancies, they don't even do regular non stress tests, but for higher risk pregnancies they do it once a week. Baby didn't pass it, so they sent me up to labor and delivery again to be monitored. In order to pass a non stress test, the baby's heartbeat needs to show good variability and it needs to have 2 accelerations every 20 minutes that go up by 15 beats for 15 seconds. This wasn't happening… so they kept me there overnight to monitor long term. In the midst of this, they also monitor my contractions, and they seemed concerned over how many I was having. None of them were painful, but they were frequent. They checked to see if I was dilated, and I wasn't. I had another ultrasound, and baby was still measuring pretty well but his stomach measurements had dropped to 2.5 weeks behind. 

So, they decided at this point they were going to give me the shots that will develop his lungs, in case he comes early, and sent me home. I went up to Idaho for a day for my baby shower (which was so fun and I loved seeing everyone who came!) I got some really cute stuff that we've been trying to get organized. My mother in law has done most of the decorations and bedding/etc. for baby's room, and I think it's so adorable. I picked out the fabric and she sewed the sheets/bedskirt/window valance, etc. 

We still have a ton of bags and things to clear out of the room, but here's a little taste :) 

Anyway, when I got back from Idaho I had to go back to the hospital and have a test, and baby was doing alright so they let me go home for the night. But they told me they wanted to see me back Tuesday for another non stress test. 

So this morning I showed up for my test, and I was a little nervous because my belly had been ridiculously tight the last 24 hours. Not painful, but so tight I could hardly walk around. And I stopped feeling him move again. So they hooked me up to the monitors and baby was non responsive once again, meaning his heart rate just wasn't spiking up like they want to see. In fact, I had a contraction where his heartbeat spiked down, and that got them nervous. They went to have my high risk doctor, the neonatologist, come take a look, and she came in and basically told me I needed to go right up to labor and delivery and if that happened anymore, baby was coming today via emergency c-section. She called the surgeon to let him know this baby might be coming soon also. 

At this point, I got really scared. The doctors kept saying they wanted him to stay in as long as possible, so that his gastroschisis surgery would go better. It's a lot easier to put bowel back into a larger baby apparently. But, they also are feeling like something may be putting him in distress, and he may need to come sooner. So they're watching the monitors, my contractions, and his movements to assess what to do. Right now I'm having a contraction every 2-3 minutes, but so far baby's heartbeat is responding alright to them. So, I still could deliver today, but most likely they will just keep watching and unless they see something really alarming, I will get to go home again tomorrow. I feel the contractions, but they still aren't painful. 

So there's the scoop! I am stressed out and on the verge of tears at any moment, and yet at the same time feeling calm and alright about everything. Taylor has been at the hospital most of the day with me and gave me a blessing that helped calm me down a lot. And my sister and her husband came for a visit, which was so nice to just take my mind off things for awhile. The doctors are acting like either way, this baby is probably going to be coming earlier than anticipated.. it's just a matter of how early. I am hoping for 2-3 more weeks, but that almost seems like too wishful thinking.

Whenever he comes, he will sure be loved. And Taylor and I really appreciate everyone's prayers and encouragement. It's amazing how much you can love a little life inside you that you've never met. I feel so grateful that I was able to get pregnant and even though this has not been the easiest pregnancy, I'm so glad it's mine. 

In the meantime, I've ordered a car seat and a diaper bag, and the last big purchase I need to make is a dresser/changing table for his room. And then we'll pretty much be ready! I can't wait to meet you baby, but please, how bout a few more weeks!