becoming a momma

Today, I really thought I was going to become a momma.

It's been a huge week of ups and downs. 

One minute baby is lookin good, the next minute they've told everyone I'm having a c-section.

Ever since Tuesday when I first was admitted to the hospital, I've had these monitors on my belly 24/7 measuring baby's heartbeat and my contractions. It's called "the tracing." And once a day, they've been taking me down to the maternal fetal medicine clinic in the hospital where they take ultrasounds, do biophysical profiles, and where my high risk doctors work (found out they are actually called perinatologists, not neonatologists.. those are the doctors for AFTER the baby is born). 

I would get biophysical profiles done downstairs daily, which is where they pull the baby up on an ultrasound monitor and watch for 2 things... movement in his legs and arms/hands, and fetal breathing, where his chest rises and falls for at least 30 seconds. If they see these things, his maximum score on the test is 8/8. If they don't see all of these things, they score the test based on what they're seeing. On Tuesday and Wednesday, my baby scored a 6/8, but only after they poked and prodded him and used the buzzer noise to wake him up. 

Yesterday, they did another biophysical profile and he only scored a 2. He barely moved at all. I would get anxiety before going down to have these tests done, because it is so hard to watch a baby on the monitor that looks so lifeless! My perinatologist came in and told me she was very concerned about him and a baby that scores a 2 or 4 needs to be delivered. They said a vaginal birth would be too distressing for him at this point, and told me to get ready for a c-section. She called the surgeon and my doctor to let them know it was happening, that night! Then she asked the nurse if she would repeat the test one more time just to be sure. So, she redid the test. This time, he decided to fight. They buzzed him and tipped me on my left side, and he scored a full 8/8! So the doctor came BACK in and said okay, let's wait one more day. We'll repeat this tomorrow and see how he does. But all the signs are pointing that it's going to be soon.

So yesterday was hard. I was worried all evening and trying to wrap my head around the fact that today I'd probably have a baby. One that I hoped would be alive and fighting. The doctors told me my little guy's bowel and stomach are both pretty swollen and there is still a higher risk of stillbirth in gastroschisis babies. So we did a lot of praying and geared up for today. I had my test at about 10:45 this morning, and what would you know...

he nailed it! Passed within the first 5 minutes. He was wiggling and kicking as soon as they pulled him up on the screen, and did 30 seconds of the fetal breathing movement right off the bat. (That's usually what he missed points for). I was THRILLED.

My doctor came in and told me she was pleased. She does not feel comfortable sending me home anymore since there have been so many scares, so I'm on hospital bed rest til this baby arrives. She said personally she is hoping for another week or two until he comes, but if he does somehow make it longer, than the max time he'll go is 37 weeks before they deliver him. Tomorrow I will be 34 weeks and I am feeling great about that! I am scheduled for a full ultrasound on Monday so we'll see how he's doing then, but for now I can relax a little and don't have to be on the monitors quite as much. I am so relieved/happy. I want him to have the best chance for a smooth delivery/surgery and the later the better. 

But I am also SO excited to see him for the first time. We've got our names narrowed down to 2.. either Timothy who would go by Timmy or Tim, or Dylan. We have a frontrunner but we're waiting to see him first probably, so it's a secret between the two til then :)

I ordered a dresser, my nails are painted, and I've eaten three non hospital meals now. I am feeling fantastic :) 

Thank you all for so much love and prayers and support. It means the world to us! 

Here is what my hospital room is decorated with.. cute little cards from my nieces. 

Here is my card from Lyla- she is 3. Contrary to what it appears, this is NOT a picture of a ladybug. This is my baby at the park. Hahahaha.

And this is the card from Addie, who just turned 6. She is so wise for her years... "Dear Jill, baby's births are so hard. Love Addie" ....mmm adorable. I especially like the arm coming out of my baby's head.